You've Got Mail

Coming home from ingesting a Teriyaki cheese steak gut bomb (the second in as many days - the blogmate and I finally got together last night at IJ's for burgers and beer), I caught the tail end of Alaska News Nightly.

That little story about the 1,500 Palin emails finally released to MSNBC by the State, after - what - a good year and 1/2 of foot dragging? Now that was a precious thing to hear. It gave me the tiniest glimmer of hope that maybe this is the tail of the rope that will not so much hang her as finally shut her the hell up.

Although I don't usually surf for news, preferring to get mine in the diluted pabulum form that is the News Miner (because I just can't shake the habit of a morning cuppa with news that I can hold in my hand), I had to go to MSNBC to check it out. The story more than satisfied.

Before I veer off into the outrage that engulfed me despite the fact that I should be totally numb to palinography, let me note the network's stroke of genius: its invite to channel our inner muckraker by combing through an online database of the Palin emails, and to help MSNBC reporters connect the dots of this travesty of governance that was the Palin administration. What a nifty way to recruit eyes to help sift the gold from the dross as more and more of these emails start flowing in.

That the State tried to buffle its way out of this public records request by claiming it would cost $15M didn't raise this blogger's eyebrows. As a veteran of many a public records request battle with the State, I know that little trick. I have had some fairly outrageous price tags thrown at me when I wanted records that weren't going to put a particular State Division in a very good light. I also famously once had a notebook hurled at me by [redacted], then head of the Division of [redacted], who shouted at me that from then on, he was instructing his employees to buy their own notebooks for meeting notes so they couldn't be obtained through a public records request.

Obviously Palin isn't the first state official to have the misbegotten notion that if state officials use "private" media to memorialize and communicate state business this makes them immune from the public right to know.

And that is where my outrage just refuses to be stifled. Are the Palins arrogant or ignorant, or some lethal combination of both? I just don't know, but I fear it is the latter - which is the most dangerous to our civil rights and democracy. Because who really buys (other than the Tea Partiers, the Fundys and other extreme right wing nuts) the Palin camp spin on this: that the emails merely reflect the spousal succor that Todd offered his wife in her tough job as Governor.

How stupid do they think we are? Of course, wives and husbands of people in public office are sounding boards and advisors, and yes, they do have a lot more information about what really happens during the execution of official duties and responsibilities than others outside that private circle. But that sure as hell aint the same thing as being in direct contact with employees of the Governor's Office and essentially conducting business the same as if one was the Governor. Which is how a whole lot of those released emails read.

Truthfully, I find the emails from Sarah trying to hide the fact that we Alaskans paid for electrical upgrades for her tanning bed amusing, and as with the Corrupt Bastards Club, a bit embarrassing. If I have said it once, I have said it a 1000 times: our corrupt politicians are sooo petty and cheap. Free wiring, dry-cleaning and flights for their brood, or maybe an electric massage chair and a large propane barby for the king salmon on the newly remodeled wrap around deck; these guys and gals (don't leave Bev Masek out of the mix) barely think beyond the double-wide.

Nope, I got a feeling these emails are going to be a lot like the Bill Allen secret videos. I suspect when its all digested and analyzed, they will reveal corruption and abuse of power. This time around its not a bunch of good ole boys guzzling beer, scratching their nuts and using potty mouth as they talk about who they are going to buy. But its the same vile brew of venality, self-aggrandizement and parochialism.

Sarah may have racked up a $150K tab on her campaign wardrobe, but all too soon I think its going to be clear the Empress has no clothes.

The FBI's Little List, Growing Smaller By the Day

Revamped to reflect the ramifications of the prosecution's misconduct.

The earlier question, "How Many More to Go?", should be replaced perhaps with "Thanks to the Justice Department, How Many Will Get Off?" We here at FBH suspect that the list will continue to change as everyone takes advantage of some truly boneheaded behavior by the DOJ attorneys who lost perspective in their zeal to win.

Which sucks, how can you blow a case in which you have guys on tape selling their vote to Big Oil?

Santa's The FBI's Little List (First posted in December 2007 - Updated on May 5, 2009)
Items in bold are the most recent events.

• Tom Anderson : Naughty, Gray Bar Hotel
• Bill Allen: Very, Very, Very Naughty, Pled Guilty
• Rick Smith: Naughty, Pled Guilty
• Pete Kott: Naughty and Easy, Gray Bar Hotel, Going to Go Free, Heading Back to Trial Court
• Bruce Weyhrauch: Naughty, Indicted
• John Cowdery: Naughty, Indicted, Pled Guilty, House Arrest
• Vic Kohring: Naughty, Gray Bar Hotel, Going to Go Free, Heading Back to Trial Court
  
• Ben Stevens: Very Naughty - In the Bag
• Ted Stevens: Very, Very Naughty and Haughty - CONVICTED! Charges Dropped
• Don Young: Naughty and Rude, Under Investigation and Spending $ Like Crazy
• Frank Murkowski: Naughty and Slow, Give 'im rope
• Jim Clark: Very, Very, Very Naughty Pled Guilty
• James C. Hayes: Indicted, Tried and Convicted, Gray Bar Hotel
• Murilda "Chris" Hayes: Indicted, Pled Out, Gray Bar Hotel
• Beverly Masek: Pled Guilty, Gray Bar Hotel

OMG - Yet Another One

This is bordering on the ridiculous, as well as the redundant. But who knew when I started this little gag list back in '07, that it would grow, and grow, and, well, grow.

The latest ex-legislator to do the perp walk is Bev Masek. She bumps Kott off the list as the Cheapest Date in the House - since VECO bought her for a mere 4K.

Santa's The FBI's Little List (First posted in December 2007 - Updated on March 12, 2009)

Tom Anderson : Naughty Gray Bar Hotel
Bill Allen: Very, Very, Very Naughty Pled Guilty
Rick Smith: NaughtyPled Guilty
Pete Kott: Naughty and Easy Gray Bar Hotel
Bruce Weyhrauch: Naughty Indicted
John Cowdery: Naughty Indicted, Pled Guilty, House Arrest
Vic Kohring: Naughty Gray Bar Hotel
Ben Stevens: Very Naughty - In the Bag
Ted Stevens: Very, Very Naughty and Haughty - CONVICTED!
Don Young: Naughty and Rude, Under Investigation and Spending $ Like Crazy
Frank Murkowski: Naughty and Slow, Give 'im rope
Jim Clark: Very, Very, Very Naughty Pled Guilty
James C. Hayes: Indicted, Tried and Convicted Gray Bar Hotel
Murilda "Chris" Hayes: Indicted, Pled Out, Gray Bar Hotel

Beverly Masek: Pled Guilty, Gray Bar Hotel

Oh, and on an entirely different political topic, How about those ruptured nuptials of Bristol Palin - are we surprised? The death knell of that particular union was rung on the day that the future mom-in-law got busted for drug dealing. To paraphrase a certain song about rehab (or in this case, drug-dealing): SarahPAC says no, no, no!

General Hoosegow-Keeping

Because I am a relatively neat and orderly person who likes to keep lists and because my blog mate appears to have fled the state to go surfing in Mexico or done some other crazed thing in response to SAD - the onerous task of updating the FBI's Little List falls to me.

How appropriate that on or near the date that I first created the list, it's time to note another status change; to wit, John Cowdry's on his way to join his colleagues at the Gray Bar Hotel.

I am thinking that the wife who embroidered the CBC hats might be considering a second run of hats - with a minor addition of yet another "C". That would be CCBC: the Convicted Corrupt Bastards Club.

Thusly,

Santa's The FBI's Little List (First posted in December 2007 - Updated on December 19, 2008)

Tom Anderson : Naughty Gray Bar Hotel
Bill Allen: Very, Very, Very Naughty Pled Guilty
Rick Smith: NaughtyPled Guilty
Pete Kott: Naughty and Easy Gray Bar Hotel
Bruce Weyhrauch: Naughty Indicted
John Cowdery: Naughty Indicted, Pled Guilty
Vic Kohring: Naughty Gray Bar Hotel
Ben Stevens: Very Naughty - In the Bag
Ted Stevens: Very, Very Naughty and Haughty - CONVICTED!
Don Young: Naughty and Rude, Under Investigation and Spending $ Like Crazy
Frank Murkowski: Naughty and Slow, Give 'im rope
Jim Clark: Very, Very, Very Naughty Pled Guilty
James C. Hayes: Indicted, Tried and Convicted Gray Bar Hotel
Murilda "Chris" Hayes: Indicted, Pled Out, Gray Bar Hotel

It Finally Happened

I know I am stating the obvious - thanks to the McPalin hijinks's and the antics of our corrupt bastards - Alaska is enjoying (I realize, a questionable choice of words) a degree of recognition, mention and scrutiny not previously experienced at any point in its modern history.

Except perhaps during the Gold Rush.

We are surrounded by plenty of evidence that we are wiggling in the glare of this dubious limelight - Palin is the topic for the talking heads to the talk shows and everything in between, but in my mind, you know you are living in the theatre of the absurd when references to your elected officials start appearing in Harper's.

Those of you familiar with the monthly will know about the Harper's Index and their practice of featuring the ridiculous, peculiar, laughable and downright absurdly corrupt in the front 10 or so pages titled "Readings". Well, last month, Alaska began to creep into these sections. Palin made it into the Harper's Index ("Minimum number of reporters who traveled to Wasilla, Alaska, in the two weeks following Sarah Palin's selection as VP: 90") as well as into the Readings section: "Death and the Maiden". Now this month, it's even juicier.

Titled The Good Life, Senator Ted Stevens on Virtue, it's a reprint of some of the more damning transcripts of conversations between Ted and Bill that the FBI recorded.

After reading the smattering that are reproduced here, it's no wonder the jury returned guilty verdicts on all counts in such short order once the disruptive and oddball juror disappeared.

Although the transcripts are available to review - I have to confess I never bothered to. I didn't need to - I wasn't one of those that fell for the craven currying tones that the Fairbanks Daily News Miner took when reporting and commenting on the trial. However, it is very interesting to read these now.

Because really, as always - it's Ted who gives himself the rope by which he was hung.

Since these are public records and I am a lazy beast, I am sure that Harper's won't come after me if I quote just a few of the better lines of conversation from their magazine (and of course, as before, I can't resist adding a little editorializing of my own):

August 31, 2006

Ted Stevens: Hey Bill? Wonder if you are going to be around Sunday? Catherine has in mind replacing those black couches at the chalet---[can we ever get past just how pretentious it was to call that dump a "chalet"?]

Bill Allen: Yeah, uh, hey, Ted, the FBI got a warrant and searched my house and the office. They asked me what I done on your house. I said, well, he's paid for everything, and I just told'em I wouldn't talk to 'em.

T.S.: Okay. Good. I had an inkling something was up, but I don't know what it is.

September 10

T.S.: ....Keep yourself going my friend. I've never been up against a bunch like this before. I'm not getting much sleep , thinking about all this shit that's going around . I'm just trying to figure out why these fuckers are doing this thing to our friends. [quite possibly it is because those fuckers are upholding the law and they suspect you broke it, Uncle Ted]

October 18

T.S.:...So you and I ought to wait this thing out. They haven't filed a charge yet. It may be that what we've done leaves an impression that we have done something wrong. But you have to make up your mind you're doing something wrong to be really guilty of a crime. [here we see the first hint of that fine legal mind that brought us his astounding statement that he is not guilty until he finishes his appeal process] We don't want to get ourselves there by trying to do something that leads to a different kind of charge.

Yup, Alaska has arrived on the national scene - thanks to the whole freak'n lot of petty, ill-grammared thieves and trailer trash queens.

Grand Slam, Perfect 10, Triple Crown

Take your pick. To date, the Justice Department has knocked it out of the park on every member of the former CBC they have brought to trial. If they keep this up - they will have a perfect record, 14 for 14. Kudos to the prosecutors and the MIB for putting together cases that have such a high conviction rate. Of course, I rather suspect that the dumb bastards, crooks, uh, politicians make it kinda easy for them.

We need to add to the much marked up list a couple of others that were inadvertently left off the original. Former Mayor Jim Hayes and his wife really should have been on the list from the get-go. Because although they weren't part of the hallowed senatorial elite - Jim was a FOT*. Can't go forgetting it was his cosy little arrangement with Uncle Ted that landed him the first couple of million that he and his wife then inappropriately spent on themselves and the church. And nope, I don't have to use the word "alleged" because those two have had their day in court and are duly serving their time in the Gray Bar Hotel - which is getting a mite bit lousy with Alaskans.

I'll have more to say about Uncle Ted trying that tired old ploy of blaming his wife for everything in a future post. But really, don't you think he would have compared notes with his buddy Jim and deep-sixed the "wife under the bus" schtick? It didn't work for Hayes, and it sure didn't work for the Not-Senator-for-Life.

Santa's The FBI's Little List
(First posted in December 2007 - Updated on October 29, 2008)
Tom Anderson : Naughty Gray Bar Hotel
Bill Allen: Very, Very, Very Naughty Pled Guilty
Rick Smith: Naughty Pled Guilty
Pete Kott: Naughty and Easy Gray Bar Hotel
Bruce Weyhrauch: Naughty Indicted
John Cowdery: Naughty Indicted
Vic Kohring: Naughty Gray Bar Hotel
Ben Stevens: Very Naughty In the Bag
Ted Stevens: Very, Very Naughty and Haughty CONVICTED!
Don Young: Naughty and Rude Under Investigation and Spending $ Like Crazy
Frank Murkowski: Naughty and Slow Give 'im rope
Jim Clark: Very, Very, Very Naughty Pled Guilty
James C. Hayes, Indicted, Tried and Convicted Gray Bar Hotel
Murilda "Chris" Hayes, Indicted, Pled Out, Gray Bar Hotel

For now, in a nod to Super Smooth Andy G, I am out of here like a convict.

*Friend of Ted

And Then There Were Five

Q: I was convicted of a felony, but have served my time and am on probation. Can I register to vote?
A: No. A convicted felon may not register to vote unless unconditionally discharged from custody. When you are no longer on probation, a copy of your discharge papers will allow you to register.

The above comes to us courtesy of the State of Alaska website. We're all about the public service here.

I called Flic from work.

"Did you hear?"

The last time we had one of these Corrupt Bastards phone calls was when she called and woke me to tell that Uncle Ted had been indicted. Given how many Alaskan Republicans have been busted, we've had quite a few of these conversations. But this time I beat her to the punch.

Here we are, with the unthinkable made real. Senator-for-Life "Uncle" Ted Stevens was found guilty on all seven counts. He is officially a felon. He won't be able to vote in the upcoming election, although that limitation is not permanent. Senate Republican rules require his replacement upon his conviction, although how soon that will come is unclear. Will they move quickly with the election only eight days away?

Who is next? My money is on Don Young. He has spent quite a bit already on legal fees, although he is only under investigation. I'm inclined to believe that if they could make a case on Stevens, they're going to have Young as well.

But it's time to update the list. I ask again, "Who'd have thunk it?"

Santa's The FBI's Little List
(First posted in December 2007 - Updated on October 27, 2008)
Tom Anderson : Naughty Gray Bar Hotel
Bill Allen: Very, Very, Very Naughty Plead Guilty
Rick Smith: Naughty Plead Guilty
Pete Kott: Naughty and Easy Gray Bar Hotel
Bruce Weyhrauch: Naughty Indicted
John Cowdery: Naughty Indicted
Vic Kohring: Naughty Gray Bar Hotel
Ben Stevens: Very Naughty In the Bag
Ted Stevens: Very, Very Naughty and Haughty CONVICTED!
Don Young: Naughty and Rude Under Investigation and Spending $ Like Crazy
Frank Murkowski: Naughty and Slow Give 'im rope
Jim Clark: Very, Very, Very Naughty Plead Guilty

Stevens' Brain Bucket Defense

Here is one for the law reviews. The ADN reports this morning that Stevens' defense team has requested Bill Allen's medical records. They argue that Mr. Allen's recall & testimony of gifts given to the Not-Quite-Senator-For-Life all date from 2001 forward. 2001 is the year in which Allen crashed his motorcycle and suffered brain injury.

These defense lawyers are sure earning their hefty retainers. You got to give them a nod for a very inventive answer to incriminating evidence that just can't be glossed over. It's pretty hard to fudge and obfuscate when you got people caught on tape talking about back-scratching, pay-offs and handsome gifts given for favors received - especially when one of those caught chatting is Stevens himself.

Oops. Just what is a defense team to do?

Shazam! Enter the brain bucket defense. Bill Allen crashed his bike, scrambled his brains, and presto/chango - is just making this up or mis-remembering things.

Brilliant.

Probably won't save Unc' Ted's hide, but they definitely get high marks for creativity.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

The day after the Men in Black lit a blow torch under Uncle Ted, the papers are predictably filled with the panderings of fellow politicians and others who have benefited from his dodgy behavior and/or are cut of the same cloth.

Under the lead line, Deserved Respect, the News Minus shamelessly suggests that perhaps this little indictment matter is insufficient reason not to re-elect the not-Senator-for-Life; can we really say we are surprised by that editorial drift? As if the billions he has directed our way should override the fact that he was actively selling our interests to, apparently, the lowest bidder.

As an aside, Stevens is following the same “cheap trick ” vein as Kott. After all, you would think the longest-seated Senator in US history would be more expensive than some renovations to a 1970’s suburban box – oh but I forgot, there is no implied qui pro quo here, these were simply gifts*.

Or, as the (not-so) Honorable Stevens says:” [I] paid every bill that [I] was given”. Ah, but that’s the rub, isn’t it? It's those bills Uncle Ted should have been given by VECO contractors that are causing the problems here. I wonder how much in legal fees that masterful sentence quoted above cost him.

And that’s the thing of it. Lying and obfuscation has become so much the norm in this administration, it's just business as usual. Perhaps it's best said by Dubyah, who had this to say about Senator Stevens back in ’02: “There is no question. You know where he stands in the great Alaskan, and for that matter, the great Texas tradition.” Uh, that tradition wouldn’t happen to involve being deceitful, greedy, arrogant and lackeys of Big Oil, now would it Mr. Prez? Like always recognizes like.

Bottom line is, there is no excuse for cheating or lying. Isn’t that what we teach our kids? It flies in the face of family values they like to espouse for the News Miner and other conservatives to suggest that Stevens' long history of bringing home the bacon is reason to keep him in office. It is not up to Alaskans to mitigate or minimize the severity of a federal criminal indictment through "respectful debate or discussion" as the paper’s editor suggests. There is no discussion to be had.

There is only one person responsible for the loss of respect, privilege and advantage and for the tarnishing – if not outright shellacking – of a career that could have ended very nobly indeed, and that is Ted. Personal responsibility. Another family value.

I always did think that the Anchorage International Airport was a very serviceable name.

*Personally I find the cheap rate at which our legislators and congressional delegation “allegedly” (that’s getting to be a word that is hard to use with a straight face anymore when it comes to the even dozen politicians under investigation) traded influence and votes for to be embarrassing – if you are going to be an “alleged” crook, at least do it in high style, and go for something that is worth hiding offshore.

FBI Boats Barn Door Size Fish: Uncle Ted

I was sleeping in, on a day off, when Flic called from her vacation in Nome. "Did you hear?"

This morning, presumed Senator for Life Ted Stevens was indicted on seven charges of falsifying income. The charges relate to renovations of his house completed and gifts received, detailed so well in the ADN. Cough. VECO. Again.

Who really thought, back when the FBI first kicked open the door on the sad, Big Oil co-opted mess of Alaskan politics, that they might actually get to any of Big Three? Sure, a state representative here, maybe a lobbyist there -- but so long had Senator Ted Stevens, (former) Sen. Frank Murkowski and Rep. Don Young been in charge, not only could no one else really recall anyone else doing the job, we cynical, "Red State" progressives could not imagine that they might actually be vulnerable to anything other than, say, their own mortality.

That's why we call him Senator For Life Ted Stevens.

And it is funny, not in a "ha ha" way, but in a peculiar way, that what might be his undoing is not any of the big stuff like the Abramoff scandal or some of the dodgier fisheries stuff, no, it comes back to Bill Allen and what was the oil industry giant, VECO, our in-state mess.

And that all started in a room at the Baranof Hotel with some of our legislators selling themselves on the cheap, swilling booze and using language more commonly associated with a construction site, all recorded on tape. The FBI has built this case very carefully, starting with the little fish and slowly moving up the food chain. (Edited on 7-29 to remove insane mixed metaphor.)

Time to update Flic's list, which I must confess, forgot to include State Sen. John Cowdery. In our defense, there were so many, who can keep track?

Santa's The FBI's Little List --- (First posted in December 2007 - Updated 7-29-08)
Tom Anderson : Naughty Convicted Gray Bar Hotel
Bill Allen: Very, Very, Very Naughty Plead Guilty
Rick Smith: Naughty Plead Guilty
Pete Kott: Naughty and Easy Convicted Gray Bar Hotel
Bruce Weyhrauch: Naughty Indicted
John Cowdery: Naughty Indicted
Vic Kohring: Naughty Indicted Convicted Gray Bar Hotel
Ben Stevens: Very Naughty In the Bag
Ted Stevens: Very, Very Naughty and Haughty In the Bag Under Investigation and Getting Grumpier by the Minute INDICTED
Don Young: Naughty and Rude In the Bag Under Investigation and Spending $ Like Crazy
Frank Murkowski: Naughty and Slow Give 'im rope
Jim Clark: Very, Very, Very Naughty There's always hope Plead Guilty

Sometimes a Picture is Worth a 1000 Words

The G-Man Diet

First there was Scarsdale, then Eat-Right-for-Your Blood-Type, closely followed by Atkins, the Zone, and South Beach. Now, brought to you by the men in black is the G-Man Diet. I couldn't help but notice that the federal corruption investigation has helped Jim Clark achieve what years of jogging around Juneau and the Hill couldn't - he is downright svelte in his court room appearance.

It's a trend that is hitting the country - from Abramoff and DeLay to our own home-grown corrupt bastards politicians and lobbyists, Kott, Kohring, Hayes, Allen and Smith, thin is all the rage. Melted away by months of fretting about search, seizure and subpoenas are the pounds and pounds of flesh extracted from others, and larded on during Baranoff and Beltway bacchanales.

Yup, the fat cat image of the power brokers in this State certainly has been taken down a notch or two by the G-Man Diet!

Another One Bites The Dust

No doubt in Juneau watering holes frequented by Fish & Game biologists and DNR staffers, there's many a beer being tipped to the fall of Jim Clark. There are quite a number of community members in Sitka, Ketchikan and Fairbanks that are bellying up to the bar too - those that had their lives and livelihoods trashed and ridiculed by Mr. Clark in his capacity as lead counsel for the Alaska Pulp Corporation, operator of the Sitka and Ketchikan pulp mills, and Fairbanks Gold, operator of the Fort Knox Gold Mine.

As this moment of divine karma unfolds, and the men in black draw ever closer to the Holy Trinity, the Triumvirate, the Big Three, I am flooded with memories of Jim Clark - whom I internally nicknamed the Devil's Spawn.

For instance, can anyone forget policy by pizza? I am of course referring to the relocation of Habitat to DNR at the start of the Clark/Murk administration - payback Clark demanded because of the alleged pizza party thrown by Fish & Game biologists when the Ketchikan pulp mill closed.

Or the fact that Jim Clark, formerly of Robertson, Monagle & Eastaugh, was counsel of record for Fairbanks Gold, operator of the Fort Knox gold mine, and Teck Cominco, operator of Pogo and Red Dog?

And that Tom Irwin, formerly the general manager of Fort Knox, and FOC (friend of Clark), first became Commissioner of DNR under the Clark/Murk administration?

Or how about that prior to the development and construction of Fort Knox, all permitting processes that involved both federal and state permits were led by the Division of Governmental Coordination - a state branch that industry did not control quite as thoroughly as DNR. Well, Mr. Clark really didn't like that at all - thought it far too burdensome and time consuming for his client, Fairbanks Gold, and thus he lobbied successfully to have mining projects exempted and permitted through DNR. This was later immortalized by the Clark/Murk administration as the Office of Project Management and Permitting, headed up by Bill Jeffries, another Fort Knox alum and FOC and expanded to include timber and oil and gas projects as well.

While on the subject of mining - here is another little gem: that Mr. Clark was involved with American Reclamation Group - composed of Harry Noah, a former Commissioner of DNR, and Ken Pohle, another former manager of Fort Knox - which was awarded the "mine to reclaim" plum of a contract to clean up (and profit from) the bankrupted and unbonded mess that was Illinois Creek Mine. The "mine to reclaim" concept was shamelessly touted by then DNR Division of Mining Director Bob Loeffler as a win-win situation. Never mind that had DNR been doing the job it is charged to do under statute and constitution, this kind of polluting, bankrupted mess would not have happened.

Then there was the proposed golf course on Douglas Island that Mr. Clark had an interest in. Oops, some Fish and Game biologists did their job and nixed the proposal - too close to too many salmon spawning streams, and you know how golf courses use pesticides and herbicides. Some got pink slips, others got sent to the Alaskan equivalents of Siberia when Clark - I mean - Murk came into office.

And speaking of pink slips - let's not forget about how Mr. Clark "allegedly" made the rounds of legislators that were FOC and industry and asked them if there were any Fish and Game employees that were particularly doing their jobs well, just so as to make sure he didn't miss handing out any pink slips that he should have.

How about how Mr. Clark treated his staff attorneys? Well, it was staff meetings six days a week at 7:30 AM sharp. And personal life? Fuggedabout dat! One young staff attorney was told at the 7:30 AM meeting on a Saturday to catch the next plane for Sitka - which he did - packing for what he thought would be a few days. Four months later he was still in Sitka - kept there round the clock working dinky do stuff like reviewing blue prints and doing copying - and allowed home only under threat of losing his job. Which in short order, he decided was a sweet deal.

Then of course there are my own memories - of the time Mr. Clark was overheard boasting in the Fiddlehead Restaurant that he had run off Trustees for Alaska on a federal litigation matter, which was then eventually won - much to his surprise and no doubt dismay - in state court.

And the time that I got his veins popping in his forehead in a particularly contentious lawyer meeting that had quite the cast of characters there - including not only officials from the company Mr. Clark was representing, but also Dick Lefebvre and Bob Loeffler of DNR . Why industry counsel brought along parties he didn't represent and who were supposed to be objective third parties in the process was never quite explained by Jim, but it was too novel for our side to protest - we were far too curious to see just how these "impartial" agency representatives were going to comport themselves in the meeting.

Ah, how the mighty do fall. It is almost enough to make one a believer.

Six Down, How Many More to Go?

Jim Clark, most bad-ass of the Alaskan Republican establishment, former Murkowski chief of staff, once dubbed Alaska's most powerful (unelected) official, timber lobbyist, and general anathema to anything remotely pro-environmental ... has pleaded guilty to fraud in a case relating to the Corrupt Bastards scandal.

Flic will be passing out, I suspect. Perhaps it is time to revisit her list from December:

Santa's The FBI's Little List --- (First posted in December 2007 - Updated 3-3-08)
Tom Anderson : Naughty Convicted
Bill Allen: Very, Very, Very Naughty Convicted
Rick Smith: Naughty Convicted
Pete Kott: Naughty and Easy Convicted
Bruce Weyhrauch: Naughty Indicted
Vic Kohring: Naughty Indicted Convicted
Ben Stevens: Very Naughty In the Bag
Ted Stevens: Very, Very Naughty and Haughty In the Bag Under Investigation and Getting Grumpier by the Minute
Don Young: Naughty and Rude In the Bag Under Investigation and Spending $ Like Crazy
Frank Murkowski: Naughty and Slow Give 'im rope
Jim Clark: Very, Very, Very Naughty There's always hope Pleading Guilty to Fraud

The FBH Best of 2007, Alaska

A Completely Arbitary List of the Best of Alaska Found on that Series of Tubes

For your perusal, the following things blogular, personal and so forth that constitute the best and worst about 2007. We will, of course, entertain suggestions for additions to the list in the 'Comments' section.

• Best Personal Non-Event: We did not run out of fuel oil at any time this year. Runner up: Flic's house did not burn down.
  
• Best of the Web, Short Film: "Buy Back Alaska" courtesy of the snarky folks at Alaska Robotics. Spot on, my brothers, spot on!
  
• Best New Alaska Blog: My Fairbanks Life. Oh, there are others that will have to settle for runners up status, like Progressive Alaska or maybe the Muskegger, but this one entertains me even though I at first reckoned it as just another motherhood blog. (Don't come after me all you blogging mama's - it's just that I am not a mama, haven't ever been a mama, and don't know if I ever will be a mama. It's not an area of high personal interest.)
• Best Item Relating to the Corrupt Bastards Conflagration: The FBI surveillance transcripts, posted by the ADN. Oh, everyone got onboard covering this... the L.A. Times, the Washington Post, the New York Times... but the most damning pieces of evidence were Allen's own (mostly profane) words.
  
• Best Post Title Relating to the Corrupt Bastards Conflagration: "Kott with his Hands in the Cookie Jar." Runner up: "FBI to Ben Stevens: Kott-cha!" Yes, this one I'm awarding to my partner in blogging crime, Flic the Bic. I love, love, loved these both and am slightly pissed that I came up with nothing even remotely as good in Ought Seven.
• Best Result of the Corrupt Bastards Conflagration: The reopening of the petroleum production tax, despite the warnings that Big Oil would pack its bags and leave us if we dared reopen the issue. Sarah Palin, who I find myself liking but not as much as Ishmael, led on this one. It's definitely the highlight of her first term as governor.
  
• Best New Eatery, Fairbanks: Silver Gulch's Brew Pub. Sadly, Free Beer Night has gone the way of the dinosaur, but the restaurant that brought about its demise has everything from tasty, yet inexpensive bar food (awesome fries for $3.50; "Scotch egg" for about the same, burger and fries in the $9 buck range -- but you can also go all upscale and order a mighty mighty fine $9 peartini, or the pear gorgonzola pizza or some plus $20 dinner entrees.) Runners up: On's Eggroll, which finally brought Thai food to the Goldstream Valley; Wasabi, the newest attempt at sushi in Squarebanks, down on S. Cushman.
• Most Malicious Maligning of Mink: Don "A Bridge Doesn't Go Anywhere till You Get to the Other Side" Young. There was so much to choose from, but I opted for the one best displaying that uniquely Young state of mind: "If we continue this we'll be called biting one another, very much like the mink in my state that kill their own," Young said. "There is always another day when those who bite will be killed, too. And I'm very good at that." You can watch his performance here.
• Best Bar in the Squarebanks Area: The Golden Eagle, located smack dab in the heart of the People's Independent Republic of Ester. $1 beers! I repeat, $1 beers. Add the fact that your dog gets to come to the bar with you, too, the ability to get a burger (which you have to cook yourself) for $4.50, pool tables, and of course, the likelihood of sparkling conversation with people as unwashed, liberal and hippie-ish as yourself. Ivory Jack's, in my neck of the woods, doesn't even come close.
• Best Party at the CabinDwelling Compound: The Jerry Falwell Goes to Hell Party. Tinky Winky, booze, bean bags, bonfire, black lights, fog machine, dancing ... and a bunch of the cabindwelling crowd. I wish you all could have been there. Sadly, I had to go sleep in The Soob, because of the whole 'go to work in the morning' thing.
• Men and Women of the Year: The Feds. Seriously, are we a career-making state or what? What many of us suspected, what Ray Metcalfe has been saying just forever but no one in this state ever got a grip on it, be it the law or our press corps, these folks finally kicked down the metaphorical door and shone a light on the denizens within.
  
• Best Asskicking Given to a Legislator by His Own Constituents: Think back now to the days before the CBC became an acronym of common household use. Winner: The one administered by District 7 on Mike Kelly. Kelly, if you remember as far back as April, was one of the champions of the advisory vote on amending the state constitution to prohibit not just the State of Alaska, but any municality, from offering benefits to the same sex partners of employees. Problem is, District 7 (my awesome neck of the woods despite having somehow elected Kelly in the first place) voted against any such action and had one of the highest voter turnouts of the ENTIRE STATE. Kelly, undaunted told the press:

"... he'll be using the election results to try to win support for the amendment. Voters in his district opposed the measure by a slight majority, but he said that doesn't change his view.

"I am not one of the legislators that necessarily needed the advisory vote to tell me where I stand on the issue," Kelly said. "I am still where I've been all along."

• Horniest Alaskan Blog: the Kodiak Konfidential. (I had to give you an award, Ish.)
• Worst Apparel Choice if You Are a Corrupt Bastard: Monogrammed hats. Say you are engaging in illegal behavior. I know, just suppose! Do you make up a cute nickname for you and your cronies? Do you get cute monogrammed clothing with the initials for you all to wear? Hell to the no! Perhaps this is a white collar crime kind of thing.
  

To be played over the next Big Oil commercial

Tired, incensed, ready to shoot the teevee the next time one of Big Oil's cinematographically exquisite bits of propaganda comes on?¹ Turn down the volume and cue up this tune on your computer, or iPod, or if you are something of a Luddite like me, your CD player.

Play it very loudly. It really makes the experience quite tolerable.

Propaganda, by The Slackers:

So, tell me more about my situation
and evil men, who are coming for my nation
and evil forces, who are coming for my freedom
secret Congress, nobody ever see them from propaganda

(Propaganda)
Now, it's everywhere I look,
it's propaganda (propaganda)
it's just like history books,
propaganda (propaganda),
everywhere I go

Hey, mister, (mister, please)...
would you tell me what you know?
hey, mister,
c'mon tell me what you know?

Since somebody wants to make a confrontation
they won't get no play on your radio station
and they will get no time on the television,
word's been sent down from the owner corporation

Propaganda (propaganda)
now, it's everywhere I go,
it's propaganda (propaganda)
it's on my TV shows,
propaganda (propaganda),
everywhere I go

Hey, mister, (mister please)
c'mon tell me what you know?
Hey, mister,
can tell me what you know?

I'll tell you what I know:

When your Congressmen to your President,
are all businessmen just scheming
and telling who's your enemy and who's your friend
well, I'm not sure that I believe them.

The streetside posters are encouraging me peeping
to report my local terrorists and the company they're keeping

It's propaganda (propaganda)
now, it's everywhere I look,
it's propaganda (propaganda)
man, it's just like in history books,
propaganda (propaganda),
it's everywhere I go.

Well, hey, mister, (mister please)
c'mon tell me what you know?

Now who are they, in Guantanamo Bay, sir?
'cause there ain't no names and no crimes written in my paper
the racial prisioner, who is wondering what his charge is
secret meetings, in taxi cab garages

Propaganda (propaganda)
now, it's everywhere I go,
you know, the propaganda (propaganda)
man, it's on my radio,
propaganda (Propaganda),
everywhere I go.

Hey, mister, (mister please)
c'mon tell me what you know?
hey, mister,
can tell me what you know?

This would also make a fine background to the next State of the Union address. Or progress on the war briefing.

Actually, it would be fine for any number of occasions.

¹A la Elvis. I figure this is a real possibility up here. Once, explaining the differences between progressives in Alaska and those from the Lower 48 (and it's not just that many of us eat meat) I summarized saying, "Up here, even the liberals have guns."

APRN tackles blogs in Alaska, sort of

I tuned into APRN's Talk of Alaska, one of my favorite shows, this morning hoping to hear some interesting discussion on the topics of blogs with Steve "Primal" Heimel.

My hopes, and I'm fully willing to admit that that my reaction may be colored by the onset of seasonal bitchiness disorder, were dashed. The converstation began with a "wow, check out these new things called blogs" tack, followed by a brief stay at the mainstream media v. unchecked amateurs (that would be us) theme, and ended up settling into "are the bloggers being too mean to Vic Kohring?" and staying there.

No, we're not being too mean to Kohring, or any of the other Corrupt Bastards, for that matter. Most of what I have read about the topic hasn't come across as personal attacks, or the 'piling on' phenomena common to those crazy right-wing talk radio types -- it's been pure outrage. And as much as I hate bumper sticker slogans, if you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

TOA had on Alaskan bloggers Phil Munger and Steve Aufrecht (who have covered the Vic Kohring trial extensively in a way that makes me jealous.) Munger has started a new "Progressive Alaska" blog - welcome, by the way - which I'm looking forward to adding to my daily reading. If anything, perhaps it will mitigate extreme disdain for Wasilla.

I've promised Flic that I will host a Corrupt Bastards party if and when either Uncled Ted or Ben Stevens gets convicted of something. I confess that I'm a little scared at the idea of the possibility that Uncle Ted might get got. Or, as Flic might say, "Kott."

Because yes, he is rather a cranky, old (possibly Corrupt) bastard. But he is our cranky, old, (possibly Corrupt) earmark-bringing bastard. Perhaps the FBI could just settle for Jim Clark? Or according to local rumor, TCC?

By which I explain my absence

If this state were an outhouse, we'd be applying a generous portion of lime right now to beat down the stink.

I've been rendered speechless, wordless, rude-gesture-less lately, so buried under the absolute bullshit thrown at regular type folks who just want to pay their damn taxes and not be appalled constantly by the behavior of those we've somehow elected to make decisions ... and not be reminded too often how this is one gargantuan corporatocracy... that I have been unable to even so much as read a blog.

My grammar has gone all to hell, too.

It's the sheer quantity, audacity and ahistorical sensibility of the b.s. proffered by those "Kott with their hands in the cookie jar" -- as one of my fave bloggers pointed out -- it's what we always knew deep down about how deep the political corruption goes in this state. We know our asses are owned. (To use one of the less colorful phrases uttered by Bill Allen on tape.)

I mean, none of the legislators involved even have the decency to be ashamed. They don't even seem to get that it might look bad, notwithstanding the whole unethical thing. Whether it was Kott's 30 grand "per diem" in cash or Kohring's "loan" - they really just don't get it. Are they more clueless than corrupt, or so corrupt they are clueless?

Good God, as I'm writing this post, I can hear in the background another one of Big Oil's ads on television. Because our steady diet of televised industry propaganda won't cease even if it is running only an hour after the news coverage of the spectacularly tentacular scandal that is still unfolding. Psst! Did ya hear? We ought to lower Big Oil's taxes. Seriously. Because they might leave if we don't roll over and play dead during the special session on the PPT.

That's the PPT enacted last year amidst a flurry of promises made and Big Oil money spent.

At right: the CabinDwelling outhouse, stink-free, thanks to fall temperatures. Antlers on outhouse installed by previous residents, who seem to have thought that antlers should be hung randomly on trees and outbuildings around the property. Seriously, you can't wander about without finding yet another set of antlers wired to a tree.

Kott with his Hands in the Cookie Jar!

Four down, how many more to go?

Noticed today in Freddie's that they already have a few aisles of Christmas lights and lighted lawn ornaments on display. The sight of those fat inflatable lawn Santas got me to humming that little ditty in my head - you know the one: He's making a list; Checking it twice; Gonna find out who's naughty or nice, Oh! Santa Claus is coming to town!!!

Well, here is a more au courant version of it (at least for Alaska)

Santa's the FBI's Little List ---

Tom Anderson : Naughty Convicted

Bill Allen: Very, Very, Very Naughty Convicted

Rick Smith: Naughty Convicted

Pete Kott: Naughty and Easy Convicted

Bruce Weyhrauch: Naughty Indicted

Vic Kohring: Naughty Indicted

Ben Stevens: Very Naughty In the Bag

Ted Stevens: Very, Very Naughty and Haughty In the Bag

Don Young: Naughty and Rude In the Bag

Frank Murkowski: Naughty and Slow Give 'im rope

Jim Clark: Very, Very, Very Naughty There's always hope

And for those of you that didnt catch the pic on the ADN site - here is the red hat that was entered into evidence at Kott's trial - an example of the (in)famous Corrupt Bastards Club hat, which as it turns out were VECO hats with CBC hand-embroidered on the back by Kott's girlfriend. How very frat!

Suddenly, Everyone is Paying Attention to the Money

Over at Alaskan Abroad, and at the ADN, there is the news that investigators are now looking at contributions to Uncle Ted and Don Young, a.k.a. That Bozo We Keep Inflicting on Ourselves.

Oh, go read the coverage, no need for me to summarize their stuff. Even the big dogs are on the story at the New York Times.

After reading about the latest possible scandal, I took a look at their finances as outlined at open.secrets.org (links over at the right.) How fascinating. For the time period reported, only 23.9 percent of Young's money comes from Alaska. 76.1 percent comes from Outside.