Sunday, November 29, 2009

Life's Little Mysteries: #1

Why do they do it?


What compels dogs to eat large quantities of grass - or as in the case to the right - straw - and then hork it up all over the house?

I knew something was afoot when the dog kept licking his chops in that frenzied way peculiar to dogs about to hurl. That he was going around and eating soil out of the house plants within reach also was a tip-off.

The technical term that vets use is "bolus". But they dont have any better explanation for this irritating and downright nauseating aspect of dog ownership than I do.

Since I was awake and active, I was able to drag the bolus-afflicted mutt off the rugs and onto the lino.

But this is highly unusual. Much more typical is the nocturnal bolus-ejection event, which I am convinced is canine contrived to maximize the gross-out factor. First off, most bolus production seems to coincide with the periods of the deepest human REM sleep - how else can one explain the fact that most dog owners manage to sleep through the ungodly amount of noise a hurling dog makes??? Secondly, it cant be coincidence that, at least in my house, deposition occurs precisely along the flight line between my bed and the coffee maker.

Thereby guaranteeing a morning barefoot encounter with a slimy, congealed, cold mess of yak.

I am not one of those dog owners who view their dogs as little furry humans, but.... this case, I am not a little suspicious of some kind of canine conspiracy, which I would be only too happy to further expound on, EXCEPT, I gotta run ----

The dog is about to hurl again.


Cathy said...

Well, think of it this least he had the courtesy to magaaq on the linoleum.

CabinDweller said...

Ah, dog vomit. It's only been a few months since the dog got into a trash can full of salmon backbones (raw) that was accidentally left indoors overnight.

At 7 a.m., I woke up and was struck by the thought, "Wait! Did we put the garbage out last night?" That was the cue for the dog to begin depositing piles of an orange colored salmon puree everywhere. You can't blot up digested, vomited up salmon. Yech.

Deirdre Helfferich said...

This is, alas, also the reality that all cat owners must face: horking up hairballs and unmentionables. And cats, too, seem to do it just exactly where one steps first thing in the morning. That, or on the bed. Gahhh.