Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Personal Lube OK on Flights - says TSA

Kinky sex practitioners heave a sigh of relief!!!

Well, women with personal “dryness” and practitioners of other assorted sex acts needing a little bit of extra there can now relax – they can tote that tube of K-Y jelly in their carry-on luggage, as long as it doesn’t exceed 4 ounces!

In the peculiar logic so characteristic of the Bush Administration, the TSA* announced yesterday that it was easing the ban on certain liquids and gels on airplanes. TSA Chief Kip Hawley proudly announced to the press that passengers could now carry lotions and gels on planes, but only as long as they were no more than 3 ounces – and only if they were sealed in a quart-sized, clear, zip-loc baggie. Not a sandwich baggie, not a gallon baggie, not a dime baggie. Certainly no fold and tuck baggies – and definitely not any of those designer color Reynold’s Wrap baggies. WOW – hard to believe that the TSA could come up with something even more ridiculous than the Crayola box of threat alerts and handyman’s chemical warfare protection kit of visquine and duct tape, but yes indeed they did.

OK, the 3 ounces wasn’t much of a puzzler, and even the inclusion of personal lubricants with eye drops, saline solution and nonprescription meds, just generated a “tee-hee”, but the zip-loc baggie? What’s up with that????? Does the Bush family have stock in the zip-loc baggie industry? Well, nope, turns out there is a reason….our fearless leaders have determined that a quart bag cant hold enough gel bomb stuff to blow up an airplane.

Can it even get any more ridiculous???? What is up with us sheeple? Why are we sitting here letting this Orwellian BS go on and on and on? Why are we letting TSA generate a laundry list of household items that supposedly can cause airplanes to fall out of the sky when the real reason we are targeted is because our government is hated for its actions and led by a petty despot? Isn’t it time to take a stand and brandish the K-Y, the visquine, the duct tape and the shampoo and say – hell no, we wont take it any more? Well, if it isn't, we could still have one heck of a party!

*not to be confused with the other TSA – Tourette’s (%***@##) Syndrome (**&@###!) Association


KCB said...

Members of the Mile-High Club are breathing a collective sigh of relief.

John said...

Thank heavens!

CabinDweller said...

Well, thank goodness I waited to schedule my flight back east.