No, I am not kidding. They are selling wood by the pound:
"Nature's most efficient kindling for your fireplace or woodstove. This season, a handy supply comes in a variety of package styles perfect for gift giving, including our new L.L. Bean gift box. Rich in natural resins, our fatwood helps sticks ignite quickly and burn for a long time. A clean and efficient alternative to newspaper or paraffin fire starters. All natural with no chemicals or additives. Hardwood Gift Basket 7"H x 9" diam. Weights are approximate. Imported."
- Thought #1: Fatwood? What the hell does that mean?
- Thought #2: Here I've been eking out a waterless, aged-Soob dependent lifestyle in the Goldstream Valley when I could be making my fortune selling off small packages of my front yard to rich people. What was I thinking?
- Thought #3: All natural? Well, it is WOOD.
- Thought #4: John over at Life in Alaska left too soon. All that obsessive wood-gathering could pay off if we sell it as Authentic Alaskan FieryBlazing Fire Starter. Apparently, Yuppies, the primary market for L.L. Bean's stuff, will buy wood by the pound. According to the product description, it comes in 7, 15, 25, and 35 pound sizes.
- Thought #5: Not only would it be natural, but I see serious potential labeling it as 'wild' (as opposed to farmed) kindling. Of course, given the way the regs are written, we still might not be allowed to call it 'organic.'*
[Photo above: actual product photo from the L.L. Bean website. Product description from page 59 of their Christmas catalog.]