How Not to Fix Your Soob

The Steps Involved in the Recent Replacement of a Battery Cable and Battery at 40 below:

1. Push car with another vehicle down to the edge of the driveway, hoping that it won't become stuck as well as dead.
2. Go to town in borrowed car, buy battery. Note at the store that it is slightly taller than the previous battery but decide that "it'll be fine, it'll fit."
3. Attempt to install new battery but discover that the J screw on one side is too short to hold down the new battery.
4. Return to town, buy J screw.
5. In the process of installing new battery with new J screw, move brittle, old battery cables around a great deal in the cold. Bang on one terminal a bit to get the negative cable to sit right.
6. Attempt to start car, noticing that you get a slight shock.
   
7. Attempt to start car in the presence of S.O., who reports seeing sparks by the battery.
8. Upon examining cables, reflect on the fact that they have looked pretty shabby for a while and, oh, look, there is bare wire visible.
9. Return to town, buy new battery cables.
10. Remove the negative battery cable, or rather, try to remove it in the dark and cold, as disconnecting is nigh on impossible what with all the coolant hose and other hardware sitting on all sides of the damned bolt.¹
11. Quit upon reflection that yanking in a fury on hose and plastic when it is pretty cold is a good way to create even more items needing repair/replacement.
12. Forget about dead lump of car for the rest of the evening.
13. In daylight, with a 20 degree temperature jump, with a great deal of profanity, remove and replace battery cable.

¹Is this why so many guys want to drive big frickin' cars? Seriously, while my love of all things Soob is unquestionable, there are times where I can't believe how tiny and cramped everything is under the hood. I can't imagine being a big, burly dude trying to reach into those spaces and work on a car.