Thursday, June 15, 2006

Summer Roadtrip, v. 1: Los Anchorage

I'm off to that dread suburban hell hole that is Anchorage for a couple of days. A friend is flying me down so I can drive a U-Haul full of stuff back up here.* Apparently, this person has a lot of crap that requires TWO U-Hauls.

But it will give me one entire day, which is entirely enough really, in Los Anchorage and Wastesilla.

Do you detect my oh-so-finely-crafted (and subtle) digs at both places? I'm trying very hard to disguise my dislike of both locations, and before someone accuses me of Bush Snobbery**, let me just say that I tried very hard to live down there a couple of years ago. And it was nice to have all those good restaurants and live music around. However, if I wanted to live on a mile-long stretch of concrete, up to my eyeballs in mini-malls and white people who seem to think that it is still 1983... well, I could move back to the suburb in which I grew up.

Plus, I really can't forgive that area of the state for electing the bunch of faux-conservative, right-wing, mouth-breathing hypocrites that they keep sending to Juneau. Anchorage and its environs dominate state politics by the sheer number of people living there. C'mon, we proved that sterilization works on keeping wolf numbers in check, why not enact an Anchorage control program?? Oh, wait, Murkowski's people believe in shooting wolves from planes instead. That could get messy.

That was joke, folks. Remember? Left-wing liberal tree-hugger here... not big on the shooting of people.

Anyways, what's another 370 miles on the Parks to my personal odometer?

But hey! You should check out Foodstock this weekend at the Howling Dog. Admission is 5 bucks or 5 cans of food.

*Insert requisite lesbian U-Haul joke of your choice.

**This term refers to the (I think warranted) disdain that people who live in rural Alaska feel for Anchorage, its pseudo-Alaska lifestyle, its residents near-total ignorance of Alaska history and culture, and the sort of folks who can afford to buy two thousands dollars worth of Gore-Tex and the like at REI for when they go out to rural Alaska to play. I've seen people with high-tech outdoor wear that in total probably cost more than my Soob. (Okay that last bit, that's more of in the vein of unvarnished gear envy.)


Jill said...

Funny post. I won't even ask what you think of the Kenai Peninsula, though I bet you'd like Homer.

CabinDweller said...

Oh, the Kenai Peninsula is alright. Lovely beaches, razor clams... although the tourists seem to get pretty thick down there. Homer is quite AWESOME. (If I leave Squarebanks, it'd be on the list of possible relocation spots.