Friday, March 28, 2008

First Gels, Now Pickled Asparagus

I was resolved to say something postive about my trip to America, but the latest gestapo action executed by the KCI private airport security contractor has smashed that to bits. I had my 3-1-1- all done up: hand lotion in its proper little quart-sized bag...and was carrying two jars of homemade jam and - horrors - a jar of pickled asparagus from some farms I visited yesterday - gifts for the next place I am going to rest my head. Well, you guessed it - I was relieved of the jams and asparagus.

When the hell did this country sink to such abysmal lows? Can anyone really believe that when this country comes under attack it's going to be by a jar of pickles? The inconsistency of all of this is also what drives me insane. In one airport, you can pass through freely with pickles, water and way more than 3 ounces of lotions, in another, they take everything. In fact, these KCI gestapo let me keep my two 8-ounce bottles of lotion (hey that's a liquid), but they took the pickles and jams - making me think they just needed to augment their lunch.

Homeland security my nether regions - it is the same thing that oppressed people in totalitarian regimes have experienced thoughout all of time - abitrary and capricious behavior by petty little shits that get off on their power.


Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Don't ya know if it's improperly pickled then it can ferment, gas builds up, and it explodes in the luggage hold!

Nah, they just wanted it for lunch. Bastards.

Course, you can still mail the stuff... and it travels in the same airplanes as passengers!


CabinDweller said...

Yeah, I love how the rules vary by airport.

I went through one airport and they had no problems with my itty bitty bottle of eye drops. No worrying about having the stupid plastic bag.

Another airport, the dude gave me a look like I had just committed some total crime and yelled across the room to another TSA agent "Ziploc!" And she tossed over one so I could stow the offending item in it.

Ishmael said...

There's an interesting article in USA Today you might get a laugh out of. Here's the description from Slate:

USA Today leads with word that the Transportation Security Administration will begin testing a more serene screening process at one airport in the hopes that it will improve security. Here's a preview: "Mauve lights glow softly, soothing music hums, and smiling employees offer quiet greetings and assistance." TSA officials think it will be easier to catch suspicious passengers if security checkpoints are no longer synonymous with stress. In a chaotic atmosphere screeners could subconsciously feel the need to rush. "Chaos gives camouflage," the TSA administrator explained.

Deirdre Helfferich said...

C'mon, Flic, don't you know that if it had been pickled gherkins they wouldn't have looked twice? Who cares about the English? It's those asparagus: dangerous bullet-headed French vegetables! AND they were in the company of unidentifiable fruits that had obviously mixed it up somewhere along the line!

Those other airports' security personnel were, clearly, slackers.